When I came back this morning from sending my daughter to school, Mama was at the kitchen. I caught her sweeping the floor so I told her to stop because it's not good for her to burden herself even with light household chores. She was experiencing pain these past few days too, so anything strenuous is not good for her.
We sat down and had some light chitchat over few things and about life. Mama looked tired and said, she may not live with us longer. She mentioned that the her oncologist told her that sooner or later she will feel have the feeling of tiredness, shortness of breath, etc.
Mama : I'm tired. Before I can still sweep the floor but now, just holding the broom is already something for me. I guess this is what the doctor have told me, tiredness and shortness of breath.
Me : Don't do anything even minor chores, I will be the one to do it one at a time. (It's just so untimely that our househelper went home because of family matters.) Were you able to find a replacement?
Mama : I have tried asking from somebody, I hope there will be one soon. I am just worried about Krystal. Who's going to take care of her needs when she goes to school everyday as I cannot do the preparing of her food early morning and sending her to school. (I also pondered on this because it's not going to be easy for them without a house helper). Who is going to take care of daddy and nanay? She asked and gave a heavy sigh.
Few days more to go and I'm back in Saudi Arabia to earn a decent living so that my family will have food on the table, pay bills and utilities, parent's medications, daughter's schooling. Life of an OFW.
The past few days Mama was asking me about just anything and started to act strangely. Strangely because it's not her usual things to do.
Mama : I will put these clothes here (cabinet) and will not use it so that when I'm gone, those who wanted to wear this will not fear wearing my clothes.
Me : I just stared at her and just said "Oh mother"
Mama : I want to wear this when I'm gone. (Referring to the white dress I gave her). She then pointed on the cloths I sent her and said, I guess you should keep this (referring to the brown silk cloth. She has been talking about the white dress and giving the cloths back to me again and again the past few days).
Me : No, have it made into a dress so that you can wear it. (have been replying same line to her the nth times also.)
(Oh boy, here we go again. What can I say?) I just gave mama a smile. I guess she understood the meaning of the smile as she started to give me advices. Always the same advises from a loving mother to her beloved daughter.
Mama : I always pray to God to give my children a good life and happy family life when I'm gone. I don't want to leave not seeing you in good hands and having a family and a good life of your own. (Ohhh boy (again!), what can I really say? I was tongue-tied as I don't know how to react and comment. I was keeping my tears so pretty hard this time from falling so I just blink my eyes almost every second)
Me : Don't worry about me Ma, I am big, I know how to take care of myself. (I told her but avoiding her eyes and her piercing stares because I might breakdown in tears.)
Mama : Whatever it is, just move on with life and don't forget to always pray to God for guidance and protection. (Always her dialogue, advises, etc etc.) I wanted to confide to her and share my feelings and thoughts but I just kept it to myself because I don't want to drag Mama into my - dramatic (love) life and add this to her emotional burden.
Me : I will. TY Ma, love you.
I then excused myself because I don't want anymore interrogations from her. I feel if I stay longer and talk with Mama, I will be in a hot seat and might not be able to answer all her questions. I was controlling my tears and emotions. I don't want Mama to see me hurt and crying. I always display a happy face when I am with her.
Light moments with Mama that before is just nothing but just a casual chitchat is now a precious time I am trying to keep in my heart. Solicited and unsolicited advises from her will surely be missed.
![]()
I love you Ma.
We sat down and had some light chitchat over few things and about life. Mama looked tired and said, she may not live with us longer. She mentioned that the her oncologist told her that sooner or later she will feel have the feeling of tiredness, shortness of breath, etc.
Mama : I'm tired. Before I can still sweep the floor but now, just holding the broom is already something for me. I guess this is what the doctor have told me, tiredness and shortness of breath.
Me : Don't do anything even minor chores, I will be the one to do it one at a time. (It's just so untimely that our househelper went home because of family matters.) Were you able to find a replacement?
Mama : I have tried asking from somebody, I hope there will be one soon. I am just worried about Krystal. Who's going to take care of her needs when she goes to school everyday as I cannot do the preparing of her food early morning and sending her to school. (I also pondered on this because it's not going to be easy for them without a house helper). Who is going to take care of daddy and nanay? She asked and gave a heavy sigh.
Few days more to go and I'm back in Saudi Arabia to earn a decent living so that my family will have food on the table, pay bills and utilities, parent's medications, daughter's schooling. Life of an OFW.
The past few days Mama was asking me about just anything and started to act strangely. Strangely because it's not her usual things to do.
Mama : I will put these clothes here (cabinet) and will not use it so that when I'm gone, those who wanted to wear this will not fear wearing my clothes.
Me : I just stared at her and just said "Oh mother"
Mama : I want to wear this when I'm gone. (Referring to the white dress I gave her). She then pointed on the cloths I sent her and said, I guess you should keep this (referring to the brown silk cloth. She has been talking about the white dress and giving the cloths back to me again and again the past few days).
Me : No, have it made into a dress so that you can wear it. (have been replying same line to her the nth times also.)
Mama : Just keep it, I might not be able to wear that anymore. I can feel my days are almost over. (I was really keeping my emotions at this time. Holding my tears hard not to roll off my eyes). She then sat down on her bed and asked, "How's your love (bf) and his work? Is he fine? Haven't heard of him."
(Oh boy, here we go again. What can I say?) I just gave mama a smile. I guess she understood the meaning of the smile as she started to give me advices. Always the same advises from a loving mother to her beloved daughter.
Mama : I always pray to God to give my children a good life and happy family life when I'm gone. I don't want to leave not seeing you in good hands and having a family and a good life of your own. (Ohhh boy (again!), what can I really say? I was tongue-tied as I don't know how to react and comment. I was keeping my tears so pretty hard this time from falling so I just blink my eyes almost every second)
Me : Don't worry about me Ma, I am big, I know how to take care of myself. (I told her but avoiding her eyes and her piercing stares because I might breakdown in tears.)
Mama : Whatever it is, just move on with life and don't forget to always pray to God for guidance and protection. (Always her dialogue, advises, etc etc.) I wanted to confide to her and share my feelings and thoughts but I just kept it to myself because I don't want to drag Mama into my - dramatic (love) life and add this to her emotional burden.
Me : I will. TY Ma, love you.
I then excused myself because I don't want anymore interrogations from her. I feel if I stay longer and talk with Mama, I will be in a hot seat and might not be able to answer all her questions. I was controlling my tears and emotions. I don't want Mama to see me hurt and crying. I always display a happy face when I am with her.
Light moments with Mama that before is just nothing but just a casual chitchat is now a precious time I am trying to keep in my heart. Solicited and unsolicited advises from her will surely be missed.
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