Where were YOU when I needed YOU most?

The past weeks were spent on emotional struggles but, I was able to compose myself and organize my thoughts by talking to God through PRAYERS. I thought I have overcome those dramas in my life not until what happened today. I received a call from my daughter telling me that my dad was admitted in the hospital due to difficulty in breathing. He is on oxygen for LIFE.

Before I went for vacation last June 2011, my dad was admitted to the hospital for the same reason, difficulty in breathing. Few days before my vacation, my mom was hospitalized because of too much pain brought by her bone cancer. Breathing for mama was a struggle at that time. When I arrived in the Philippines, we immediately started her radiation therapy.

I remember while having my vacation this year, Mama told me, all of you were focusing your attention on me and you forgot about your father. He is also sick and needs your attention too. I was taken aback by Mama's words because truth of the matter is, she's right, we forgot that our father is also seriously sick and need our love and care. We were too focused on how to cope up with Mama's battle with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.

After the call from my daughter, I searched my feelings for any guilt, sadness or maybe an emotional outburst. But what came to my mind were some questions.

WHAT and WHY?

What's my purpose in coming to Saudi Arabia? My conscience whispered, "because you have to support your family back home, your daughter and your sick parents.

If you were in the Philippines, can you send your mother for radiation therapies? Can you buy them at least some of the maintenance medicines? Can you share some in buying your father's oxygen? Can you send your daughter to school and support her needs? Can you put a decent food on your family's table?" - TRUE. If I wasn't here, maybe my mother is in too much pain these days caused by her breast cancer.

If you were in the Philippines, can you go to places where before were just a dream for you? - RIGHT. I am able to make some of my dreams come true.

Then why I still feel so alone, that sometimes I felt the world is crushing in on my shoulder? Why is it that many times I feel nobody is there for me, to comfort me? Suddenly, this poem came as a lightning to me.

As I always tell myself, God will never give me trials that I cannot handle. There are a thousand and one reasons behind every trials. Everything will come to pass, soon. After the storm comes Ms. Sunshine. I am reminding myself again,  BE POSITIVE. I can do this.