God is good and have heard my prayers, according to His will, as always. My brother went home last Monday from Cagayan de Oro so off we went to Simala yesterday morning. It was a 2 hours drive from Cebu City to Lindogon, Sibonga. Mr. Sun was so hot and it triggered my migraine.
Hungry, tired and sleepy but we have to fill our stomachs to get us going. So, we had our breakfast in one of the carenderia in the vicinity the church.
The Church has really improved this time from the last time I visited this place. After a hearty breakfast, we then walked our way to the church choosing the good old route going to the altar and not the steep new stairways.
I thanked God for all the blessings that come my way. Small and undetected blessings that were often neglected to acknowledge and the big ones that were so obvious and vivid. After thanking God, I then started to pour out my emotions. My feelings of emptiness due to reasons, I don't know. Even then, I still feel blessed and I know God is working on His love on me. I just don't know how but I know He is there for me and for us. Negative emotions were slowly eating me up but I fought with it because I don't want to feel self-pity.
After a heart to heart talk with God and crying my heart out, I feel light and was looking forward for a bright and beautiful day.
We got home past 1:00 in the afternoon. We were about to go to Cebu Doctor's Hospital for mama's radiation therapy when my patience was tested. I was a little or say irritable at this time because of lack of sleep and I was not feeling well the past few days too.
An issue over a flip-flop I sent home for Mama triggered the misunderstanding that lead to me talking back to mama. I was asking her why she did not use the flip-flop and the reply I got from her was she doesn't have any. Well, it was there but it just that lately, mama's memory is not working good as it used to serve its purpose. She can't even name the color. She insisted that I only sent a brown one and not violet and it's not like the Ipanema that I was wearing. I told her that it's not really like mine but I was referring to the brand and the design of the rubber.
Mama was so angry that she left for the hospital without saying a word. I did not go after her because I was also mad and thing is I am not yet done preparing myself as I just took shower. I just went to SM for grocery. When I got home that evening, I was so guilty considering that we just went to church that morning and was asking for forgiveness for all my sins and yet I am here doing something that hurts my Mama.
I took out from the plastic bags what me and Krystal bought from the grocery store and gave to mama everything. I bought some food and rice for their few days supply as I am going back to Saudi in few days. At first Mama did not talk to me and told them that she was not feeling well.
I went back to the kitchen and ate my dinner. After sometime, Mama went to the kitchen and started talking to me. I then walked to mama and embraced her and said with tears "I'm sorry Ma. I just lost my patience this morning.". Mama, mother as she is, accepted my apology.
Lesson learned:
I have this attitude of "If you will not talk to me, then don't, who cares". It is really hard to say sorry and to utter the line "I'm sorry" to someone if you let pride and ego get in your way. But it is always a good feeling when you humble yourself, accept your fault and your weaknesses. A sorry that is coming from the heart will set you free from guilt and pride.
It is also another story to say sorry to someone even if you're not at fault. But if saying this magic word will make you feel free from negative energies, then by all means say it. It will make you feel good inside and out. It will not cost you anything but just good vibes that will radiant from the inside.
Know the bottom line of the issue. Ponder who made the mistake, if it's you or the other party. Then decide, should you make the first move or not. What are the consequences if you do either of the two? Will it affect your ego and your being you that you are trying to project? And if so, what's your next move? What is the price one has to pay for if he says sorry? At the end of the day, it is still you who will decide for yourself.
I have an ego and pride. But I'm glad I did let my ego down and swallowed my pride.
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